“Do’s And Don’ts For DJ’s”- A Guide By Dillon Francis’ Alter Ego, ‘Dj Hanzel’

While the electronic music world is caught in frenzy with this year’s results of the famous/infamous DJ Mag Top 100 DJs polls, many take to the Internet to show their disinterest in the results, and when we talk about the internet, Dillon Francis just can’t be left out.

The most favorite jokester of EDM unleashed his quirky alter ego, DJ Hanzel to part a few secrets from his river of wisdom on how to step away from the mainstream and become a cool-as-cucumber underground DJ. Take a seat and etch these words in your mind for knowledge given below is precious!

Some words from DJ HANZEL:

Do’s And Don’ts For DJ’s With DJ Hanzel
Don’t – Make It Into The DJ Mag Top Vun-Hundred
Nah-zing will destroy underground deep house-cred faster than finding your name on za dreaded DJ Mag Top Vun-Hundred List. Very few deep house DJ’s make it into za list every year because zey vant to stay deep. It’s easy to stay off za radar by keeping your music on Myspace and only agreeing to play sets between za hours of 4 and 9 am.

Do – Reactivate Your Myspace So Your Music Vill Be So Deep On Za Web No One Will Find You
Vat? Do you want to blow yourself online all day every day like Dillon fucking Francis?! He is terrible at going deepa! The secret is to go so deep, no vun can find you. Myspace vill be a safe place to hide out underneath ze regular DJ peasant internet til techno takes over foreva.

Don’t – Let The Fans Cop Your Style
Za fans can be dangerous if zey get too crazy or cop your style. If all za fans wear Ray-Ban Clubmasters then wearing Ray-Ban Clubmasters would be vun lessa and I’d have to revamp ze entire DJ Hanzel image, my agent vould be furious!

Do – Use 45 Minute Intros In Your Set
Don’t listen to za crowd, za promoter, your mommy – you must get up zhere and play za deepest set you’ve ever played in your entire life! But be varned! The club von’t be ready to go zat deep, you’ll need to warm zem up to give za room plenty of time to adjust to za pressure change. I recommend at least a 45 minute intro to make sure zey are ready to go all za way.

Don’t – Play Your Single. Don’t Even Make A Single.
As I vas writing this I realized it would be vun lessa to even make a single at all much less release it or play it out! If you’ve already soiled the depth of your DJ name by releasing a single, at least have za common decency not to play it live. Vat kind of person vill za people take you for?!